tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2082397016018170293.post5486618854614824518..comments2023-07-21T15:55:20.572+01:00Comments on Advancing Poetry: Another Nature PoemCaroline M Davieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01277831689690791429noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2082397016018170293.post-3663436928651021162009-01-12T18:11:00.000+00:002009-01-12T18:11:00.000+00:00Many thanks Gwilym. That condensation streaked lin...Many thanks Gwilym. That condensation streaked line was much too long. Hunting through my files I find I did revise the poem last January.<BR/><BR/>View from a bathroom window<BR/><BR/>Black crows flying<BR/>over white mist,<BR/><BR/>through which loom<BR/>blurred shapes of trees.<BR/><BR/>Cold October dawn<BR/>window condensation streaked. <BR/><BR/>Crows cackle and fight<BR/>on the rooftops.<BRCaroline M Davieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01277831689690791429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2082397016018170293.post-16894180670617344402009-01-12T13:39:00.000+00:002009-01-12T13:39:00.000+00:00I think what you could do here is put 'condensatio...I think what you could do here is put 'condensation streaked' below 'bathroom window' to make a 3-line verse, and then put 'and fight' below 'Crows cackle' to make anothe 3-line verse, and then I zthink you've cracked it to use crow parlance. No need to remove any more.<BR/>Best, <BR/>GwilymGwil Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03305768121713053837noreply@blogger.com